The Ten Hottest Ladies of Summer

Posted by Fat Guys at the Movies (fatguys@filmschoolrejects.com) on July 13, 2007

It’s been a long summer, and it’s barely half over. However, even if you’ve been disappointed with the quality of the flicks out there, you have to be impressed with the amount of eye candy that has hit the American movie screen in the past few months. Partly inspired by Emma Watson’s blossoming on the movie screen in “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” (don’t worry… she didn’t actually make the list… we’re not that creepy), the Fat Guys at the Movies have ranked the hottest ladies of the 2007 summer movie season.

Fans of Kirsten Dunst beware, she’s nowhere to be seen on this list. Flame on!

The following list was a featured discussion on this week’s episode of Fat Guys at the Movies. Take a listen below. The discussion begins at the 27:15 mark of Episode 21.

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10. Mary Elizabeth Winstead in “Live Free or Die Hard”

For those of us who have the teenage boy heterosexual crush on John McClane, this summer’s latest “Die Hard” film gave us a chance to focus our hormones on something a little more appropriate. Winstead plays McClane’s daughter who is not only hot, but could probably kick the snot out of both Fat Guys at once. I’ll buy that for a dollar!

9. Imogen Poots in “28 Weeks Later”

Okay, so we left Emma Watson off the list for decency’s sake, but we couldn’t help but give a nod to the other underage Brit Imogen Poots from the horror sequel “28 Weeks Later.” Give her a few years, and she’ll be on the Maxim list too. Those eyes, those eyes!

8. Ellen Barkin in “Oceans 13”

If we’re gonna give the nod to teenagers like Imogen Poots and Emma Watson, we also can’t leave out the mature ladies who are still sizzling on screen. Ellen Barkin has obviously had some work done, but after seeing her in “Oceans 13,” we wanted to do some work on her as well. We so envy Matt Damon… and his huge prosthetic nose.

7. Bryce Dallas Howard in “Spider-Man 3”

While neither Fat Guy wanted Kirsten Dunst on the list, we both wholeheartedly agreed on Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen Staci in the latest Spidey tale. Who thought the pale, skinny waif from “Lady in the Water” would steal the show in the first big film of the summer?

6. Michelle Pfeiffer in “Hairspray” and “Stardust”

Beating out Ellen Barkin as the mature lady we’d love some quality time with, Michelle Pfeiffer proves to us this summer that she’s still got it. She’s sexy as heck in “Hairspray,” and her appearance in the trailers for “Stardust” already got our motor running. Now, if she could just slip into that vinyl Catwoman outfit again…

5. Rachael Taylor in “Transformers”

Who thought there’d be someone in “Transformers” that could distract us from Megan Fox? Well, uber-hot Aussie Rachael Taylor had what it took. When the Defense Department was recruiting hackers, they went for the guys that looked like us, and the one smokin’ hot blonde who looks like she stepped out of a beer commercial. All hail the Michael Bay casting director!

4. Jessica Biel in “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”

We know that “Chuck and Larry” hasn’t been released yet, but Jessica Biel makes the list based on her appearance in the trailer alone. We’d gladly fake gay at a chance to hang with her in her underwear and grab her breasts.

3. Megan Fox in “Transformers”

And the Fat Guy short-list smackdown began. The top three ladies, starting with “Transformers” hottie Megan Fox, caused the most sleepless nights in the Fat Guys’ households. It’s a good thing the MPAA R-rated cigarette ban hadn’t gone into effect yet, ’cause this film would have lost its PG-13 rating since Fox was smoking on screen through the whole film.

2. Jessica Alba in “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”

Another Jessica on the list, and Fat Guy Kevin Carr fought over this one for the top spot. However, as hot as she was (proved by the fact she actually caught fire in the film), she lost some points for the bleach blonde look and freaky blue eyes. But we still wouldn’t kick her out of the bed for eating crackers.

1. Katherine Heigl in “Knocked Up”

We’re not just jumping on the Katherine Heigl bandwagon here. There are some solid reasons why she topped the list, even though she has some Kirsten Dunst teeth going on. Not only did Heigl give fat guys worldwide hope by banging Seth Rogan, we couldn’t stop thinking about the raw, sordid way she talked during sex. It made us want to move to L.A. to stalk the clubs for drunk reporters from E! celebrating a promotion.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Leslie Mann in “Knocked Up”, Again, giving fat guys around the world hope… after all, she hooked up with Judd Apatow.

Elisha Cuthbert in “Captivity”, Who wouldn’t want to take home the chick from “24” and torture her for a weekend or two?

Bijou Phillips in “Hostel: Part II”, Trashy girls in Euro-trash torture porn… what could be better?

Keira Knightly in “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”, Sure, she’s as skinny as an 11-year-old boy, but she pulls it off.

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